A Submissive's Journal

Back to Reality While Building a Dream

The holidays always seem to come and go so fast. Yesterday was the Fourth of July, and this weekend I’ve been in full single mom mode. I went back and forth about taking the girls to a public fireworks show. Being by myself with two little ones in a crowd that size just didn’t feel right, so I trusted my gut.

Instead, we made our own memories.

We picked up some fireworks from Walmart, headed home, and put on our own little show. Watching their excitement, hearing the laughter, and seeing the amazement on their faces reminded me that kids don’t remember how expensive something was or how big the event was. They remember the moments. They remember who was there. Those smiles made every bit of it worth it.

At the same time, life doesn’t stop because it’s a holiday.

Every morning this weekend I’ve woken up with a migraine. Anyone who deals with migraines knows they don’t just hurt they drain every ounce of energy you have before the day even begins. Yet somehow, the responsibilities are still there waiting.

Being a single mom is already a full-time job. Add in working toward my master’s degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling, recording podcasts, teaching BDSM education classes, going live, creating content, running a Discord community, designing new merchandise, studying, completing assignments, and trying to build a business from the ground up, and the list never seems to end.

I did manage to launch some new merchandise, which felt like a small victory in the middle of the chaos. It’s another step toward building something I’ve dreamed about for a long time.

The truth is, there are days I want to quit.

Not because I don’t love what I do, but because building something meaningful is exhausting. People often see the finished videos, the classes, the podcasts, or the posts, but they don’t see the late nights spent studying, the assignments, the migraines, the self-doubt, the endless planning, or the constant balancing act happening behind the scenes.

I’m pursuing my master’s because I want to make a difference beyond social media. My goal is to become a licensed mental health counselor specializing in trauma, relationships, and helping people heal. The education I receive in graduate school complements the life experiences I’ve lived and the community I’m building, allowing me to combine evidence-based knowledge with real-world understanding.

Then I think about the messages I receive.

The people who tell me a class helped them better understand consent. The person who finally felt comfortable asking questions about kink without being judged. The individual who reached out because something I shared about mental health reminded them they weren’t alone.

Those moments remind me why I keep going.

Knowledge has power. Education has power. Lived experience has power. When those three come together, lives can change. If my story, my education, or even one conversation can help someone make a safer decision, understand themselves a little better, or simply hear the words, “Keep going,” then every difficult day has a purpose.

Building this community isn’t about gaining followers or chasing numbers. It’s about creating a place where people can learn, grow, ask questions without fear, and know they’re not alone.

So today it’s back to reality.

Back to being Mom. Back to graduate school. Back to studying. Back to recording. Back to teaching. Back to creating. Back to building.

The to-do list may never end, but neither does the reason I started.